Don’t overdo the alcohol, etc. for a few days beforehand
Pack spare layers of clothes, it can be very warm or chilly or damp or wet
Money. Always handy
Phone: yes
Most jeans have lumpy under-seams that you don’t notice for a few miles. Then you notice.
Tools: at least a pump, a small multitool and a couple of spare inner tubes. Tyre levers too.
Make sure your bike is in good nick. Give it a good clean, lube and service a few days before. On the day, give it another look, give it an M Check and, for example, flip it over and check the tyres for those infiltrating little sharp bits. If you’ve been thinking about getting new tyres, splash out before the ride
Lights: you’ll need them. LEDs can last all night, but bring spare batteries anyway, tuck in behind someone with a beam for those tree-tunnel lane stretches
Saddle? Apply Vaseline, chamois cream or similar if/before your bits get sore. Recumbent riders, they boast, needn’t bother
Carbo-loading works for most: a large pasta meal the night before. Some swear by cutting out caffeine for a few days beforehand so that the 3am halfway coffee really j o l t s
Drink water before you get thirsty, snack and nibble before you get hungry. That way you’ll avoid hitting the spirit-draining brick wall (or bonk) of no energy
Don’t sprint off with the skinny greyhounds unless you are one. Settle into a group doing a pace you like. If it turns out slow, dance in the pedals and catch a quicker group. Bit too fast? Drop off the group and wait to be caught up
Swim at the end (a change of pants is a good idea)
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