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@Wrongcog
Ah mate I feel your pain literally. I had to walk up an ascent to Biggin Hill a couple of weeks back because the cramp in my thighs was agonising. Even when I tried to fight it my legs went to jelly. I'm almost 20 years your junior and clearly not as strong / dedicated a cyclist as you. It really knocked my confidence. I've thought my way round everything from an unforgiving gear set up to a lack of recent rides, but the truth seems to be that cramp is to do with effort over the course of the ride and fluids.
I cramped on a rolly 85 miler at the weekend (seem to cramp at some point on most rides these days). The guy I was riding with showed a sudden interest in the indexing of my gears to shadily let me stretch and plied me with tons of isotonics. I went straight up the next hill absolutely fine (no world records but no horror either).
One bidon mount on my steed doesn't help, but that anecdotal tale told me I don't stock up on water enough while riding.
Perhaps we should get together for some sort of self help meeting and howl like men at the moon!