Football

This is the weakest side that Roman Abramovich has ever sent out soothe his Champions League craving and tonight they come up against one of the best teams in the history of football. Yes, it's Barcelona versus Chelsea, the clash of a club that is reaping the luscious fruit of years of painstaking talent hot-housing and the club that is desperately staving off the comeuppance of years of splurging pell-mell and hoping for the best. But that is not to say the result is a foregone conclusion. Because while Barça boast mobility, finesse and enterprise, Chelsea offer those qualities that we are told are possessed only by English, or English-inspired, people: PASSION AND BALLS AND BOTTLE (when they're in the mood). So it's tiki-taka v hurly-burly. Fancy dans v John Bull. Ball-hogs against war pigs. Chelsea may seldom touch the ball but when they get it, by George they shall hoof it. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Stamford Bridge must be a wet Tuesday night in Stoke. And then, next week, Camp Nou must be a wet Tuesday night in Stoke. It's an order so tall that air traffic controllers are in a panic. Panic is good. Panic is Chelsea's friend. Panic is Chelsea's best chance of beating Barça. But not the sort of panic that Fernando Torres feels whenever he gets in sight of a goal, which is why Didier Drogba sensibly starts. From there on, Chelsea need madness to reign.

Sums it up quite nicely...