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@jadias
Forgot to post it in here, so here goes.
Switched out the crankset. The Messengers give a nice chainline and are beefier and rounder than my old Lascos. There's still a little noise but it's much better. Chain tension is much more even all around. Next thing I'll look at is the rear cog, I guess.
Also test-rode an Arrospok and ended up buying it. I was actually genuinely impressed with the buttery smooth ride, indestructible feel and hey, it's really not THAT heavy (about the same as the Deep V types I was looking at building...). Carries a LOT of forward momentum once you get up to speed.
If it's a phase and I sell it in a month then whatever, no regrets. Overall the thing has me grinning like an idiot (possibly partly due to the absurdity of it as well) and I like that!
Problem, good taste?