East Beers - Wednesdays - The Chesham Arms E9 6DU

You cycle to the pub. You buy us all a beer/ale. We look you up and down, ask you some obscure cycle related questions and you fill out an application form. Whilst we vet you, you get us another beer. If you make it through to the next round, which is on you, you may then perform your best 3 cycling related tricks for our amusement. You then buy another set of drinks and set off on the mini time-trial down to the petrol station to get us some more fags.
Upon your return, we hand you our empties and you refill them. After BQ carves our mark into your chest, you may then sit near us but on NO account are you to make eye contact. We are the most exclusive drinks for a reason.

Sounds epic.

My 3 cycling-related tricks will be as follows -

1) Endo-dismount onto back of car
2) Attempt to remove crank and shear off all thread followed by cover up story that it's a "security measure"
3) Jump off kerb and shatter rear race guard with Camper Longflap.

I've got practice in all of these so hold on to your hats.

Moving to the Jolly Butcher gets my vote - the beer there is awesome :D