Proper selvedge jeans

I'm going to piss on it, scrub it with a scourer, drain turps through it, bleach it, crimp it, wet it, hot wash it, scrunch it, let it dry naturally, stare at it, undo it at the seams, toast it, sew it back together, wank in it, sleep in it, boil it, pray for it, lacerate it with a bread knife, rinse it, cool wash it, let it dry above a radiator, set fire to it, eat it and then shit it.

Hipster