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@moog
Have you made a card/foam board model? It's a good way to test your design.
I haven't got a disc brake so I'm not too up to date with what you require but I think that the two 'vertical' trusses will cause you problems. I don't know what brickman's manufacturing capabilities are but if he was going to mill these out of a sheet you either need a very thick billet or to have sheet bending tools.
The guard brendan uses has a bend but it's only a single kink along one line (quite simple) the deformation around the tubes that the above design suggests could be very hard to execute (unless you have a fly press and a custom die). The bend radius would als have to be very tight (gap between the mounting bolts and rear stays looks quite small).
If the guard is being made from 6mm alu I think you'd easily be able to scrap the two vertical struts with little to no loss in performance.
Hopefully that made some sense, make some prototypes they'll help a lot.
edit: I may have totally misunderstood your drawing, as I don't have the bike in front of me and only have one projection to work off it's hard to tell how much each part of the bike/brake set up protrudes so what I've said above might not be such an issue.