• Yesterday morning, going over Blackfriars Bridge northbound, I saw in the distance a massive plume of black fumes spew out the back of a black cab as it pulled off with the traffic. The cab stopped then started spewing fumes again as I came closer to it in the cycle lane. It was a proper cloud of shit and I had to hold my breath as I went through it. I decided to let the cabbie know about it.

    I pulled up alongside the cab, tapped on the window, which was duly wound down and said, "You've got a lot of black fumes coming out of your exhaust, mate." Cabbie has one of those 'I'm a cunt' expressions on his face. "Yes," he says, "I'm using it to kill cyclists. Got four already this morning." In the time it takes me to actually register what he's said, the sheer fucking idiocy of it, he's wound his window up.

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