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@Jacqui
Green means Go.
17.01hrs.
I am standing above the beige and brown rectangular piece of moulded plastic that is my loo. Half way down and just below its fashionable brown horizontal stripe in the left most corner the tiny window is bobbing green. Green means the tank is empty. It means I can use my toilet for another two weeks. I have accomplished what can only be described as a very humbling and frustrating exercise.
Today when I mentioned needing to call the portapotti people to come empty my loo Alan said i could just empty it into their septic. Great! Was my response, despite my fears of what lay in store i am aware that the a.m visit to the dock was going to cause [ahem], issues.
It wouldn’t be bad if they were open at 7a.m. when i get up; but their not. 9am is usually about the time the dock wakes and the doors get unlocked, erm, most days that is. Today they opened around 10.30am.
There is no option, I am going to have to sort it myself.
I have no idea how a porta potti works.
The previous owner showed me in about 10 seconds how to unhinge the two compartments in one of those briefest of moments when I was frantically trying to absorb all that there was to know about my new boat in half a day. I was always going to forget something, I knew it. The porta potti lesson didn’t stick.
I know it comes apart. I stare at it. There’s the level pull that flushes, the hand pump that puts water in the bowl. Neither are what I am looking for.
Then I remember the manuals in the drawer. At the very bottom of the pile there is a 1970s looking booklet with a picture of my Thedford Porta Potti on it. I flip though the pages, German, French, Dutch. They all have diagrams. Where is the English? After a frustrating five minutes realising that my French isn’t good enough to work off, I start thumbing through again.
English “How to prepare your Porta Potti for use” Instructions 1- 12 but they seem to be for a brand new one, no mention if you can put it on its *“front face” *when its got two weeks of fermenting 1’s and 2’s in it. What if you can’t? What if I put it on its face and it leaks everywhere and I’m now standing ankle deep of chemicals and poo? Visions flood my head and I hesitate.
**I’ll do it outside. **
I lift the loo. Its heavier than I’d thought it would be and I immediately put it down again. It’s sloshing about and my face screws up just at the thought of what may be inside waiting to cover me if i trip. God please don’t let me drop this. I AM that unlucky. I will drop it if I try and everything will be covered.
The boat will be ruined and I’ll have to sleep in it. My stomach lurches. Breathe.
I’m not getting this out of the boat in one piece. I look at the manual again.
1. With the toilet on its front face, operate the quick release hatch with your thumb.
What’s the worst that could happen? I pause, the vision of being 3 inches deep returns.
Right.
I’ll do it in the shower tray. Brilliant.
Now, where is this quick release?
Finally I find it, and the two pieces come apart easily. They both are full. I take the bottom out and get it onto my back deck. Now i have to cross two boats, the floating pontoon and climb up to the dock with 10kgs of sloshing shit in a box.
I cross the first boat. I hear clapping. Confused I look around to see 4 men leaning over a railing on the other side of the river. They’ve stopped talking to the boat owner moored near them and are watching me. Well at least if I fall in with the box of shit someone will know. I smirk.
Eventually I get myself and the box over to the dock. I don’t put it down but walk straight through and around as Alan had said. I don’t see where I am supposed to go. Do you see it? He calls. NO.
He comes out and walks along the building wall to a patch of weeds.* Here. The orange cap, I’ve turned on the water for you. *
*Thank you Alan. *
I get ready to pour.
The moment i move the spout it comes roaring out and I nearly miss the pipe and get it in my face. I wasn’t expecting that. It slows a bit and i again tip the spout. It gushes again but this time I’m ready for it. I’m mesmerised and disgusted at the same time. The chemicals smell vile. The liquid coming out looks vile. I want this to be over but it seems to take forever.
I slip several times on the way back, the yard is overgrown maze of off bits and pipes from generations of yard use. My feet slide off hidden scaffold bars and ito mud, but I don’t drop the plastic box.