Ways not to lock your bike

Here's how I usually lock my (*) aluminium hybrid, although it doesn't have fat tyres.

(*) Describe as you see fit

is that a particularly enormous lock? i've tried and not been able to fit my kryptonite new york like that, but then you've managed to do it with a bloody helmet, crank and pedal all in too, making a mockery of my locking efforts.

• bows to locking master -