taxidermy and high horses

Years ago I went on holiday with the ex-missus to Sri Lanka. We stayed in this hotel that was inhabited with mainly Russians, Germans and a Welsh couple. The ex made a beeline for them presuming that they were the only English speaking people that we'd encounter. In fact they were the only Welsh people who couldn't. Everytime he ordered a drink the hotel staff brought him a spittoon.

Anyway after breakfast one morning I noticed that a "working elephant" had turned up with his keeper to move something from around the pool area. So, based on what I'd seen in town the previous day, I shot outside and bought a dozen pineapples and went back and fed them to the elephant. Having fed the elephant and collected the ex, we went for a relaxing morning by the infinity pool - her to roast and me enjoying the swim-to bar.

We watched this huge (I mean massive - working elephants are gigantic), powerful elephant make light work of the tasks and it was duly rewarded with Sri-Lankan donuts. When they tried to lead it away, it refused to move. Ten minutes of ear-tugging and instructions later, the keepers retired to a safe distance before the elephant did the biggest turd I have ever seen emerge from an animal. I reckon it could've filled a bath tub - one of those efforts that two people can comfortably lay in. The bath tub, not the turd.

The keepers then proceeded to stand around and scratch their heads presumably wondering what to do. From what I understand according to the barman, they usually always took the elephant to the forests near the beach for him to perform his abloutions. The hotel manager appeared and went crackers because someone had complained about the aroma. I couldn't see what the fuss was about - it was only vegetation, but it was spoiling the view of the sea and even in the particularly hot weather it was still steaming.

In the end, despite the efforts of the keepers to get the elephant to move it (I mean, who willingly touches their own shit?) they managed to roll this behemoth on to a piece of tarpaulin where they then towed it away with the hotel golf caddy car.

I think it may well have been my fault. They'd only given the elephant in town one small pineapple and I'd given this beast twelve whoppers. I'm not too sure if they had the fucker stuffed, but when anyone mentions elephants it always reminds me of that.

This thread was worth reading just for that story.

excellent revival.

I will have to remember to post my stuffed animal photos tonight.

A friend of mine had an elephant's stool made into a leg. It's very old but still stinks.

Next time I'm at Sailor's house I'll give it a good sniff and report back.

The story about the elephant reminded me of the episode of "Idiot Abroad" I watched yesterday where Karl complains about whales. The problem with leftover whale bones in your back yard is that everybody knows what you had for dinner.

I have a pigeon behind my desk, a ferret to my right and deer head And gul in front.

That's not a ferret. Head too broad, ears too big and tail too fluffy. Looks like a Stone Marten to me. . Schickster will be able to confirm, no doubt. They are well known in Germany for sabotaging car electrics.

Pine Marten...

Could be. The main difference is the leg length, and the propensity to chew car electrics.

Beech/Stone Marten:

House Marten:

I've just discovered a weasel wiki, I'm thrilled...

House Martin

Purple martin:
http://www.lfgss.com/member1578.html

Beech/Stone Marten:

More probably. I've just never seen one. We have the forrest ones. They do jump under cars a lot at night.

quick, go and check the d.n.a. in your kitchen products, theres some poor quality goods out there

Today's runners:

Coventry Child Abuse 4/1

Christ's Chin 5/2
...
Pixies Excuse Me 7/4

Barcelona Drugs Baron 5/2

Small Town Gypsy Massacre 24/1

Astonishing Bum Queen 50/1

Cavalry Trouser Tips 100/1

Hepatitis B 100/1

The Bobbby Davro Snooker Experience 150/1

Massive Bereavement 200/1

and the going today is flappy to amorous

Anyone got latest odds on:

'Open leg Fracture'

'Veterinary's Bullet'

or

'Headshot' ?

My money is on Hoof Hearted.

@Pifko @snottyotter

Late to the party but actually snorted wine over the garden table at the 'working elephant' story above.

Thankyou garden furniture designer for ensuring that the slats got the wine neatly onto my trousers too.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/gallery/2014/sep/12/the-worlds-worst-stuffed-animals-in-pictures

blast, should have read memes thread first - as you were ...

This elephant story epic

I'd very much like to taxidermy my cat once he dies.

Hi, any update on this?

Badly stuffed pussy

nnsfw

No. He's only 8.
Actually it's his birthday in 2 weeks.