People who have to hammer their keyboards GRRRRR

I sit opposite this guy who types with one finger, and can only hammer his keyboard, it's so bad I often leave the office with a headache.

I've mentioned it a few times, suggested he tries some kind of soft keyboard to save his fingers from injury (!) but all falls on deaf ears - and I'll have deaf ears soon if it doesn't stop.

Any ideas what I can do apart from finding a new job?

oi!

Find a new job

Rant thread >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

^Hippie

Any ideas what I can do apart from finding a new job?

Play him off

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu0qtEwb9gE

maybe it's the keyboard ?

Snap off one of the risers from the rear and tell him his club fisted typing skills are to blame.

Using a small knife, remove and swap the n and m keys, always fucks their heads in.

he's as much a frustrated ape as the rest of us

glue some of the keys so he breaks it. Offer him the soft touch, ergo keyboard you where going to use yourself... htfu

Kind of related, people who think banging the mouse on the desk will make things happen faster.

What possible effect do they really think it has on fucking anything?

maybe get someone to teach him to type.

has no one mentioned "kill him in the face" yet?

I can't imagine a world where people can't touch type. How do they LIVE?

My dad types incredibly slow so he got some speech/text transcription software from his employers, now he just sits on his own speaking to his computer, wearing a microphone headset like he's playing online games.

I had many harsh years of training in touch typing aka 7 hours of MSN Messenger every day during secondary school. When you can handle 5 simultaneous real-time conversations without leaving any long pauses in any of them, then you have unlocked the secret to typing as fast as you think.

And you are a massive loser who needs real friends. Probably.

I had many harsh years of training in touch typing aka 7 hours of MSN Messenger every day during secondary school. When you can handle 5 simultaneous real-time conversations without leaving any long pauses in any of them, then you have unlocked the secret to typing as fast as you think.

And you are a massive loser who needs real friends. Probably.

Oooh friends, MSN friends, two thumb friends

A dab of superglue on each of his keys when he goes for a fag/tea break ought to keep him quiet. Either that or get some spray glue, spray over his keyboard and then shake stainless steel filings/ fibreglass dust/ cactus hairs over the wet glue, lets see him bash that keyboard next day!

start a thread about it on a cycling forum

A dab of superglue on each of his keys when he goes for a fag/tea break ought to keep him quiet. Either that or get some spray glue, spray over his keyboard and then shake stainless steel filings/ fibreglass dust/ cactus hairs over the wet glue, lets see him bash that keyboard next day!

Why not just superglue his fingers together that way he'll never be able to type again - ergo problem solved

and my keyboard is very noisy to
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wait till he logs on and has word or mail open.. then when he leaves the desk swap keyboards with him

when he starts to hammer the keyboards start to type:

**HEY HEYYYYY FAT CUNT.. GO EASY.. what do you think you are doing? I am not a fucking drub kit but a finely tuned piece of modern day equipment.

I should be treated that way, how about not fearing me and pressing the keys on my keypad just hard enough for them to register instead of trying to punch them through the desk.

If you are sexually frustrated then take some time out and visit one of these [insert list of porn sites]

etc etc**

but you will need to spend a few days before hand telling him about Artificial Intelligence they have in the network and how computers think for themselves.. that kind of ting

Mrs Wrngcg des this n MY laptp. It's nt ding it any gd!

better still, super glue his fingers to his forehead he'll have to type with his elbows and they, as we all know, are much quieter

Explain how you have been turned on over the last few weeks by his powerful keyboard work, tell him the sound of his keyboard pounding give you an enormous 'boner'.

^Rep'd