Top Tips – a la Viz

Cycle-related, but in the spirit of Viz.

I'll get the ball rolling with one of mine and one from Viz...

1. 4x4 drivers, try to resist the temptation to spend your disposable income on personalised number plates. They make you that much easier to identify when you inevitably commit a traffic offence.
   
2. Beat bicycle theft by towing a horse box behind your bike. When you stop, simply padlock your cycle securely inside the horse box.
   

1. Cyclists. Why waste money on expensive cycling shorts? Simply pull some ladies hosiery over some XL Pampers. Not only will you be saving hard earned cash - but you'll shave MINUTES off your TT records by cutting out those annoying toilet stops.
   

1. SAVE MONEY on expensive TT aero helmets - just put a condom over your head
   

1. Cyclists. When ploughing through red lights at night, be sure to stop first to switch off your bike lights. The police can't catch you if they can't see you, right? When safely through the danger zone you can smugly stop again to put them back on.
   

http://www.lfgss.com/thread38568.html

Oh dear. Merge ahoy!

1. When fitting an Italian bottom bracket, remember to use a left handed spanner.
   

http://www.lfgss.com/thread38568.html

That thread is a bit more useful, this one is entertainment

Not man enough to ride fixed but still want to look cool? Simple. Just buy a single speed with a freewheel and take the rear brake off.

Hide your knob-headedness with a show of bravado – ride single-speed with no brakes. That'll confuse them!

Be an early adopter of making regular contributions to a metropolitan niche cycling forum, and often think about killing yourself or other people whilst wondering if there's a meaningful correlation.

Be an early adopter of making regular contributions to a metropolitan niche cycling forum, and often think about killing yourself or other people whilst wondering if there's a meaningful correlation.

Niche?

I rather fear that this has gone mainstream.

Trendsetters, lose all your cool by continuing to contribute to a niche forum that becomes mainstream