Police tickets

Oh and a policeman once stopped me at an Aldgate red light (not a junction, just a pedestrian crossing/traffic flow control light, perfectly safe. He RLJ'd to catch me, cut me off with his motorbike, made me lift my bike over the fence and onto the pavement, and went went...

"Right, I don't think you're safe enough to be on the roads. You're banned from cycling today. Walk your bike to stepney green and have a think about cycling safety."

He then proceeded to keep tabs on me, riding past every once in a while to make sure I didn't get back on the road. Is this kind of control even legal??

Yes. You must have been riding very badly. As a motorcyclist he will have been particularly fine tuned to be observant at all times, if he saw you making moves without looking he may have decided you were about to get yourself splattered, and made you walk instead of continuing to be a danger to yourself and others.

Motorcyclists are taught to perform the "lifesaver" which is a look over the shoulder before moving (like turning right or pulling out to overtake). Most cycle commuters never look anywhere but a foot in front of their front wheel whilst pulling some outrageous moves.

In cycling, the final glance over the shoulder is called the "scoble maneuver" (after Edvald Boasson-Scoble, the inventor of the dynamo hub).

Apologies if you already knew this.