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@Tenderloin
You won't achieve that price on here, hate to be the bringer of bad news and all but there's probably nobody else out there that thinks this is as rad as you do, who is willing to splash that level of cash on a whole bike. Closest you'll get is by splitting, all the parts are pretty desirable. If you don't have the tools, i'd suggest buying a cheap toolset with which you can take pretty much everything apart.