• Yes, this bike of mine, it's unbelievable. It's as good as a £2500 bike, no question. When you ride it over a bump, it takes off, right, and flies for ooh, at least three or four hundred yards, amazing. The build quality is exemplary, and it goes so fast that I met myself coming back from the supermarket this morning, before I even set off.

    I don't own the company, honest, but I wish I did, I really do. Whoever set it up is a genius, right? To produce a bicycle of such exquisite quality, at such a reasonable price, and when it arrived, there was a box of chocolates and a Playboy centrefold in the box with it. She was suffering a bit from exhaustion and oxygen deprivation but the idea was nice.

    Ooh, Roboto, my chain just snapped, I fell off and grazed my knee. Please kiss it better for me. Hang on a minute... graphic designer... from Shoreditch... you're not Nathan Barley are you?

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