Beating People on the commute who have a better bike

Buy a BMX... on the commute you then can never lose - beating a guy on a BMX is not a win for anyone else - and when you do beat a commuter on a geared bike you can fucking lord it over him - or her - in the most in-yer-face way possible.

By this logic you should just jog to work. Then break into a mad lung busting sprint to pass cyclists, stopping once past them to pretend to tie a shoe lace.

Might be a bit weird though.