Wanted: Specialised bike.

Not mine, but tick all the below. Pity it's collection only and I just got something new...

here's a suggestion for you.
...a nice modern hardtal with forks that have proper damping (not just a squishy bit of plastic), a rebound nob that actually does something, disk brakes that work, geometry for proper mtb'ing and that doesn't weigh the same as a sack of spuds...