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@mmccarthy
Dave arrives home from work one evening to find his wife stressing out in the kitchen. "I've invited my boss around for dinner with his new french girlfriend" she says, "I need you to go down to the market and get some snails for the starter".
So off goes Dave to the market and buys some snails, on the way back he bumps into Colin from work, "Fancy a pint Dave?" "Yeah but only a quick one, i've gotta get back to the house soon". So Dave goes in for a pint with Colin and as usual 1 turns to 10. Then Dave starts chatting up a girl at the bar, soon enough he's back at her flat.
He wakes up the next morning, gets dressed, grabs the snails and runs home as quick as he can, just as he gets to the doorstep he trips and the snails go everywhere. His wife opens the door, and screams "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Dave looks down and shouts...
"Come on lads nearly there!"