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  • As much as I love the popular sexual performer Graham Nortons (apologies BMMF) I was ideally after something inert.

    ok, ok, you can have him sedated for £25 a night, dead will be £35 and you'll have to wait until rigamortis sets in so I can deliver by Saturday lunch time ( he'll be ready in the morning but I've got to drop Philip Schofield off in Acton at 10.30)

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