Martial Arts advice

If you want to do well in a street fight, then experience in street fighting is vital, and everything else is speculative.

This is spot-on IMHO. Next best thing would be any art that places an emphasis on live sparring with fully resisting partners.

but because it allows (and promotes) creativity, improvisation, interpretation and expression, something that is missing in other martial arts.
This is dead wrong. Capoeira may well place a particular emphasis on these things but saying they are missing from other martial arts is absolutely untrue. All of the arts I've studied (it's a few now) have rewarded these attributes to a greater or lesser extent. Sometimes not explicitly it's true but they are present nonetheless.

Think of it as a physical game of chess, parkour with people instead of buildings, a coporeal conversation.
Interestingly, this is also an almost perfect description of the art I have finally 'settled' on as my own (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu FWIW). Also, a nicely turned phrase.

Discussions comparing martial arts online always seem culminate in a "my dad could beat up your dad" cock-measuring contest
and it's for this reason that I find them laughable.
This is true. It's why I don't read Bullshido much anymore tbh.

I'll bet I mince a lot prettier than Balki, too. ;)
Pics or GTFO?