Commercial Break - special offer for nervous cyclists!

The thrill of the open road! The wind in your hair! The excitement of freewheeling down hill! For many cycling is a pleasure and with TEAM GB's recent performance at the Olympics, we seem pretty good at it, giving Johnny Foreigner a total and absolute thrashing which they'll never live down so much for our EU partners we won the war anyway....

... but many are put off cycling as they feel frightened by the swooshing downhill in a somewhat out of control I'm going to fall off and die type of feeling. And indeed, falling off and dying does tend to spoil most peoples' day, even a spot of road rash as your skin is scrapped of as you slide along the tarmac can be an upsetting experience for some misguided whimps.

Fortunately, from LFGSS store's very own product development team, comes the answer for those that would like to cycle, but don't want to experience that swooshing downhill in a somewhat out of control I'm going to fall off and die type of feeling...

.. as the erudite LFGSS subscriber knows, Newton's first law of motion says "Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it" and Newton's second law of motion says "The relationship between an object's mass m, its acceleration a, and the applied force F is F = ma. Acceleration and force are vectors; in this law the direction of the force vector is the same as the direction of the acceleration vector" and the third law says "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction"

Our scientists have carried out extensive studies of all forms of bicycle throughout history and have concluded there is a fundamental flaw in the design. The traditional bicycle wheel is based on the circle, which places the machine in a state of unstable equilibrium, thus falling into Newton's laws 1, 2 and 3.

By making a radical step change in design we introduce a new paradigm for bicycle wheels which places the machine into a state of STABLE EQUILIBRIUM, thereby nullifying the somewhat irritating effects of laws 1,2 and 3... which LFGSS boffins have described as being a most unfortunate discovery, Newton really should have stuck to counting pebbles on the beach instead of standing on the shoulders of his fellow scientists...

We are proud to introduce, exclusively for the LFGSS store, the SQUARE BICYCLE WHEEL. This amazing, revolutionary design allows those people that don't want to experience that swooshing downhill in a somewhat out of control I'm going to fall off and die type of feeling to enjoy being out in the countyside on their iron steed, but completely removes that swooshing downhill in a somewhat out of control I'm going to fall off and die type of feeling!!

Experience the sights, sounds and smells of nature and farms and diesel tractors and cars and combined harvestors and jets flying overhead and motorbikes zooming past** IN COMPLETE SAFETY**, knowing you'll never again experience that awful swooshing downhill in a somewhat out of control I'm going to fall off and die type of feeling...

Call NOW on 0979LFGSS and order your SQUARE BICYCLE WHEELS today! As a special introductory offer we'll provide TWO revolutionary SQUARE BICYCLE WHEELS for the price of one for the amazing unbeatable never to be repeated price of £299.99.

As an extra special inducement to part you from your hard earned cash, we'll chuck in a pair of MiniMe square stabilisers complete with useless toolkit which fit no known to man or woman child or other type of human make of bike.

All forms of payment are accepted, major and minor and medium credit cards, worldpay, ebay, dockofthebay and good old fashioned folding readies.

Please allow forever for deliver and don't complain if they don't arrive.

Satisfaction totally not guaranteed so don't even think about calling our customer complaints line on 123.