Will from HubJub is God!

Similar thing happened to me a while back. i'd ordered a sugino zen chainring, a leVel front hub and an MKS chain tug off will at hubjub, but after i'd paid i changed my mind, realising i only really needed a lock ring. i emailed will. no problem he said, i'll refund you, in fact you can have the lock ring for free, i'll send it you for in the post first class, no problem. Wow what a nice guy i thought. Sure enough, the package arrived the next day. There was even a note from Will too. I'm having a barbecue next sunday, come along, bring the wife, i've got a pool, it'll be a blast. I was stunned. My missus was a bit taken aback too when i told her, but we both thought why not, it'd be fun, meet new people and all that, what have we got to lose. so that weekend we set off up the M40 to Will's place with our swimsuits and a couple of bottles. A few hours later we're nearly there and it's pissing with rain, i don't know whether i hit the kerb or not but there's a loud bang and the car's jolting and swerving all over the shop. i know it's a puncture straight off so i slow right down and find a quiet place to park by the side of this road with big houses and long driveways. it's stopped raining now and I'm in the boot getting out the spare when i hear this bloke saying come in brad and janet, we've been expecting you. I look around, but there's no one. Janet's out the car in a flash and she's laughing, thinking i'm playing tricks on her. I'm telling her no it wasn't me when there's this creaking noise. we look round and the entrance gates of this house we're outside suddenly open. janet's starting to freak out a bit at this point but all i can think is fuck me those gates are made from Ti Courier frame tubing and nitto bullhorns. the missus is pulling at my arm, saying let's leave this doesn't feel right but i can't take my eyes off the gate, it's like i'm hypnotised. the bullhorns are gleaming and the tubing looks to be titanium. suddenly there's the voice again saying How'd you do, i see you've met my faithful handymen. i'm at the gate at this point, looking for an intercom, thinking that must be where the voice is coming from when janet screams. there's 2 midget japanese blokes like out of charlie's chocolate factory coming towards us down the drive both pushing bikes. get on these, our master's expecting you, they say both at the same time. The pair of them are wearing pink racing bibs, jockey hats and lycra shorts but as i'm going through in my mind what i'm seeing in front of me it's the missus's voice i hear saying it, and I don't know how she knows to say it because she doesn't know about that stuff, but she says it... they're full njs, she says and she runs over and grabs the red one, a nag, and she's off up the drive on it and i'm suddenly grabbing the other one off the dwarf guy. it's a procyon or a uno i can't remember exactly. as i'm riding after her up the lane i'm thinking what's happening, she normally can't deal with the pedals going round all the time and fuck me these are brakeless, how's she gonna stop, but then i see her pull a 180 skid. i'm too busy thinking how'd she do that to fully take in what i'm seeing before me. This guy in transparent suspenders has come out the house and he's wearing a full face of make-up, his eyes flashing white against the mascara. i slow down i know something's wrong but it's hard, i'm used to cleats not toe straps, janet i yell, stop, it's a trap, but janet's off the bike and running towards him and they're both laughing like they're really happy to see each other, like they're in love. i'm pissed off a bit now, but the anger is mixed with fear. it's getting weird. janet i yell what the fuck are you doing and as i'm running up to them I'm thinking i should be getting out of here but as i get close i see the bloke reaching into his see-through outfit which i realise isn't lingerie at all it's bubble wrap, he's covered with it from head to toe and he's frantically rummaging around in there for something, bubbles of plastic exploding like popcorn, and he's not smiling any more. i stop dead in my tracks as he's pulled out a ninja throwing star, and then everything's suddenly all in slow motion as he pulls it back behind his head to throw and i see it's no ordinary ninja weaponry, it's an EAI gold medal cog. i duck but it's too late, i see a blur of burnished gold stainless steel flash through the air and then a sudden stabbing pain in my neck. i see sky, clouds, the leaves in the trees, i've been hit i keep thinking, i've been hit, but i don't know where i am i'm dizzy, and then a dark shape's in front of my eyes, and i'm staring into this face. a face of pure evil. his eyes are the eyes of the devil, and it''s then i realise that it's not mascara at all, it's phil woods waterproof grease smeared all over his features, which are twisted into an evil grin. hello i'm will, he says in a voice that's both menacing and camp, she's my wife now, you didn't really think you were getting that lock ring for free did you... and the stamps, do you know how much they cost. you fool, you'll keep coming back for more, and all because of some free stamps and a fucking lock ring....his face is up close against my face as he's saying this, bits of spit are flying into my eyes, and i try to say something back, by my brain's scrambled, and his breath is making me gag, a stench of new tyres and puncture kit glue. he's half laughing, half yelling now. nothing in life is free you silly fool, he booms, NOTHING!!!