Jokes / Joke du jour!

'If the enemy is in range, so are you...'

• Air Force Journal
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  'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
  U.S. Air Force Manual
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  'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never watched a bomb explode over Nagasaki or Hiroshoma.'
  General MacArthur
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  'Tracers work both ways.'
  U.S. Air Force Manual
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  'Never tell the Drill Sergeant you have nothing to do.'
  Unknown Air Force Recruit
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  If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.'
  USAF Ammo Troop
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  'Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.'
  
  

Unknown Air Force Pilot

'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'

• Boeing Test Pilot
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  'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
  
  

Unknown Air Force Pilot

'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and therefore, unsafe.'

'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'

'Even with ammunition, the Air Force is just another expensive flying club..'

'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up ... The pilot dies..'

'Never trade luck for skill.'

The three most common expressions (famous last words), in aviation are: 'Why is it doing that?' 'Where are we?' And 'Oh S...!'

'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'

'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation: we've never left one up there!'

'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'

'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world: it can just barely kill you.'

Northrop Test Pilot

'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'

A sign over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan Air Force base, Arizona

'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'

'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?' The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
Lockheed Test Pilot