I hate

People who wander round the supermarket like they are visiting a museum or a National Trust property. Is it possible for any human being to move more slowly? You're pushing a trolley, not Stephen Hawking through a mine field, get a bloody move on. You don't have to stop and stare at everything; they are beans, you've seen them before, either you want some or you don't. You're not Howard Carter, there are no fucking surprises, what the hell are you staring at?
Oh look children, dog food! In cans! Some of it dating back to* last Wednesday*, isn't it marvelous? Yeh, stop and have a good look at that now, why not take your bloody phone out for a snap, pose the kids in front of it, they'll want to remember this when they are older. It's a fucking supermarket, it's not Tate modern, it's not a fun day out for all the family, you're not queuing for the frigging log flume at Disney World, just move your fat lardy arse out of the fucking way.
And you, just how long are you going to spend picking a tomato? By the look of your kids you didn't spend this long picking a bloody husband so just choose one. They're all the fucking same, they are supermarket tomatoes, they are red, too hard and none of them taste of tomato so put one in your bag and piss off.
Oi, you, yes you you effete nonce with your beret and your Jazz beard, don't leave your trolley in the middle of the bloody aisle while you gaze in awe at the 'World Food' section. You think it's fun shopping on an obstacle course? And, by the way, what the hell is World Food? Where does the rest of the crap on sale come from? Is it the produce of some FairTrade deal with Jupiter?
Oh the check-out, what fucking bliss. Didn't occur to you that you'd have to pay did it not? Thought you'd wait till the end to try and find your wallet? Which is inside one bag which itself is inside another bag. And no you don't have to give the cashier the correct fucking change, they have change, will you just fucking hurry up you braindead monstrosity. What? Now you're fucking double bagging everything? You should be shot, you should be taken out and shot in the fucking car park and those bags stuffed in to every hole in your body.
And, supermarkets, every little does not fucking help if you are out of stock of half the things I want to buy. I'm not looking for powdered Unicorn hoof or a life size replica of the Bayeaux tapestry I just want some fucking basics. There are not more reasons to shop at Morrisons if at 4.30 on a Saturday afternoon the Stamford Hill branch has a poorer selection that the one in Port au Prince. You useless, mendacious, hopeless bunch of corporate slags.

Superb

I'm not looking for powdered Unicorn hoof or **a life size replica of the Bayeaux tapestry **

Hah!

'You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to wiganwill again'

It's the people who leave their trolleys in the middle of every aisle which fucks me off the most. I'm usually quite a calm, tolerant person, but Supermarkets contain the largest selection of pond life found anywhere else in the country. and it drives me fucking mental.

Whenever I can I try and shop in Lidl/Aldi etc. Little/few trolleys, staff don't speak to you, stock is usually good, prices are good. In-Out, no bullshit.

Yup. I approach shopping much like I would a bank robbery: I know what I want, where it is, I get in and out as quick as I can. That other people treat it as an excursion always puzzles me. Then there is that horrible moment when you go in and the bastards have re-organised the store and where pasta used to be there is now soup or deckchairs. Makes me feel like I am recovering, badly, from a head injury as I lurch around disoriented and confused. Where's the soya milk, where is the fucking soya milk? Why is it next to the toilet paper? Why? Why are you evil swine doing this to me?

ha! I just read this after forcing my carcass down the shop for food (no fun cooking for one : (
I didn’t hate chatting to the sweetie next to me in the queue who was buying steak and ben and jerries...
Will the problem is with place, join the bourgeois and skip round waitrose for what you want, then nip round the back and plunder the bins for veg and short life stuff, garuntee you no such tribulations as no reasons to shop at morrisons...

I love going to the supermarket. I read all the backs of packets.

I love going to the supermarket. I read all the backs of packets.

You should only do this with penguins.

I don't think they tend to have writing on their backs.

I don't think they tend to have writing on their backs.

the writings on the wall for penguins....

I hate the fact that this forum takes years to allow you to post an item for sale...

ha! I just read this after forcing my carcass down the shop for food (no fun cooking for one : (
I didn’t hate chatting to the sweetie next to me in the queue who was buying steak and ben and jerries...
Will the problem is with place, join the bourgeois and skip round waitrose for what you want, then nip round the back and plunder the bins for veg and short life stuff, garuntee you no such tribulations as no reasons to shop at morrisons...

Are you fucking mad? You want me to start eating out of bins? It's not bad enough that at work I look and smell like a tramp now I have to start eating like one as well? And try to brush over this ultimate sign of life-failure by calling myself a Freegan? Why not change my name to George Costanza while I am at it? Or start hanging round the school gates whilest spit dribbles from the side of my leering mouth on to my copy of Top Gear magazine? I know, why don't I become a street entertainer.

I hate the fact that this forum takes years to allow you to post an item for sale...

three posts and 24hrs: and it's a forum, not e-bay. have some fucking gratitude.

I love going to the supermarket. I read all the backs of packets.

and then set them for your students to do a close reading no doubt while you laze around in your office ordering Rapha hankies and Assos frock coats.

@will.cant stand ya has his own redeeming qualities.....
just tell us whereabouts on Covent Garden you work and leave the rest to fortuity then

and then set them for your students to do a close reading no doubt while you laze around in your office ordering Rapha hankies and Assos frock coats.

:D

Serenity now, Will.

^We are living in a *societ*y!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXCKaPyrZmg

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdUUx5FdySs"]YouTube-
Kiwi![/ame]

@ wiganwill - was all that about your experience in Brixton tesco yesterday afternoon cause it mirrors exactly what I experienced. It was like Armageddon was nigh and people were stockpiling for the long haul. I just wanted some leeks and lentils for soup.

^No, pretty much my experience every time I go to any shop. I am aware that if people could hear what I was thinking they would call some kind of armed psychiatrist to take me away. So I keep quite and smile and then come on here and vent, knowing I am safe amongst other equally disturbed and socially maladapted people.

Where's the soya milk, where is the fucking soya milk? Why is it next to the toilet paper? Why?

It makes perfect sense to me, Will.

Yup. I approach shopping much like I would a bank robbery: I know what I want, where it is, I get in and out as quick as I can. That other people treat it as an excursion always puzzles me. Then there is that horrible moment when you go in and the bastards have re-organised the store and where pasta used to be there is now soup or deckchairs. Makes me feel like I am recovering, badly, from a head injury as I lurch around disoriented and confused. Where's the soya milk, where is the fucking soya milk? Why is it next to the toilet paper? Why? Why are you evil swine doing this to me?

+1000

Worst thing is my girlfriend is the type that needs to inspect every cartoon of milk, packet of chicken and steak for the one with the longest used by date. Fuck it drives me mad, its meat, its not off it will be eaten with 48 hours. I now try and go to the supermarket by myself as its the only way the trip doesn't take at least 10 weeks.

deckchairs > soya milk

anything>soya milk