Bomb detectors

In all seriousness, has anyone tried a Fleshlight™? I'm a married man, so naturally I get no sex whatsoever, so I reckon one of these might just do the trick.
I could name it and everything.
Take it out on dates.
Beryl.
I'll call mine Beryl.
Buy her pearls, that sort of thing.
Nothing nasty.
I'll keep it right tasteful, like.
Thoughts?

Ha. Fill her with pearls more like.

"The lovingly moulded Fleshlight insert sleeve comes housed in an attractive and sturdy canister that resembles an ordinary flashlight, allowing for simple and discreet storage."

But so embarrassing when your wife loans the torch to the neighbours 'cos there lights just tripped.