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@General_Lucifer
In all seriousness, has anyone tried a Fleshlight™? I'm a married man, so naturally I get no sex whatsoever, so I reckon one of these might just do the trick.
I could name it and everything.
Take it out on dates.
Beryl.
I'll call mine Beryl.
Buy her pearls, that sort of thing.
Nothing nasty.
I'll keep it right tasteful, like.
Thoughts?