This week's fixtures & results League II (winter 2009/2010)

Cosmos vs DinoLand

After main stegosaurus Turdasaur

drafted in to other reptiles to help him take on the mighty cosmos of Jupiter, Saturn and Uranus

we were set.

Braley pictured here in goal. looking fetching in a shakespeare ruffle.

Chris failing to trackstand at the start. Line ref Lebowski gave him a warning for that.

Tosmosito is first to the ball Turdasaur brathing heavily shoots right past, Tom dinks the ball and and plink* off of Braley's back wheel, a sound we would be hearing more of later in the games. The dinos are getting their bearings when Tom whips round and makes his shot through pinball land. 1 nil *120sec.
Turd has a red face but i look over at Horatio who assures me that he is not angry.
Todd comes out of goal, breaks down an attack and sends sparkles of bowtie dust across the court to confuse everyone before weaving the ball through the cones like a spinning jenny.

2-0

Dinos take it to the kitchen and get diverted from quick play by mat who rounds everybody through the larder and hammers the dishes into the sink from halfway. A roar from the crowd like like a greek wedding greets the rebound. 3-0
Turd and chris put their heads down, pass a bit and start to find a rythmn before braly foot downs, *as a leaf falls near her caressing her hair and whispering into her ear 'dab bitch, dab' alas the wicked leaf had its way and mat passes to open tom who side mallets the cunt BOSH from 4 inches! (not really he just tapped it)
4-0
Around this time all the cosmos want No.5 there like nicole kidman sniffing around Harrods, poking hither and thither but to no avail the dinos, defending with honour and Chris keeping out a great shot on the volley as he rounded the back of the goal.
This gives him wood and he taps it to turd who swings his great horny stego tail and passes it back for chris to Mahammmmmmmaaammmaammmmaa Hammer it through Todds BB.
Could this be the tide turning? No. Todd gathers the ball, looks at Tom and Mat and says: "fine i'll be coco then." Promptly crosses half court in posssesion clicks his heels and wham chew barred the muther fucker.
5-1 Changes ends!

321polo
Mat takes them 1-0 up after 25sec the rythmn is pulsing between the moons, rings and asteroid belts, 25 seconds later Todd slots in from an acute angle at the ass end of braleys bike.
Dinos have some stomping great play, dt notices ripples in his coffee, the Steg has turned into Turd Rex, him and chris own 2 minutes of court until Tom has the ball off them and slots it away with backhand aplomb at 4.30sec
3-0
About a minute later Todd dribbles like bloodhound before scoring at 5.30 and Mat finishing the game with a neat snap shot on 6.00min
All is right in the universe.

G3
This is serious, it's so serious that dt urges TuRdex to 'do it for ireland'.
3.2.1. polo
Tom's on the ball maybe somebody else touched it maybe not, i'm proper gonzo by this point and all youse cunts looks like fucking storks anyhow, cept maybe horatio who grins across the court like a pelican at me.
"Tom 1-0 20 seconds!" Lebowski gives me the notes.
Aidan is fighting like a T-rex he's chased back slotted with chris and popped it in on 50seconds. My phone rings, it's my cousin Seamus, "Brendan, no fucking kidding the fooking ground just shook over here." I hang up wondering if the mix of cosmic dust was doing things to my mind. Everything had slowed and it seemed to take an ice age for the dinos to get back to their goal. I'm snapped out of it by a clearly concerned Lebowski, with a simple ".50 seconds" Awesome come on Dino's bring godzilla to the fuckin milky way.
Dinos take it up to them but yet again Mat uses the sneaky 'go round them' tactic, the fucker and takes a shot on goal, bonk* post, everyone holds their plates, Braley comes out to claim, chris helps out, Tom goes in to steal, Braley goes to go back in goal Mat, ain't having any of it he blocks her out of her own goal the swine, dt next to me does a little wee. Tom shoots, bang!* Mat deflects the ball out with his own wheel, his very own wheel i tell you. dt cleans himself up and completly misses mat's wonderful recovery and backhander to call it two nil town.
At 4.15 Tom pops it through a bb like Pique flipping a collar. Loud boo's at the utter lack of wheelie to the goal, leads Tom to mention foibles like "weight and he'll try harder" A small humping session by Mat and Aidan in the corner leads to a tangled bike orgy, dt swears he saw penetration. I make a note to make Mat a doctors appointment in the morning. Mat manages to take out braleys front tire and tube, in an innocuous collision, that makes him the bad guy simply because braleys tire is crying to us all. Kris jumps on his bike and sorts her out with a TnT after the game, in the meantime out comes the hopsmobile.
Tom has the ball, the crowd insists that it has to "be wheelie!" Tom tries again and again but his front wheel is like Daschund valiantly leaping at a Land rover tailgate. Mat grabs the ball, rounds Ferguson and gives it back to Tom who resorts to plain old fashioned GOAL! to make it 4-1
Aidan wants another, he's tearing down the wing time and again with Chris, Braly staying firm like a she-bass, again the crowd calls for a cosmic wheelie before Mat steps up at 10.30 and sates them with a proper giddy up, slot, shot.
5-1

Fine support, heckling and playing from all.

Ootska