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@clefty
actually it's usually the other way round, longer legs, shorter arms for women.
I'd experiment with stem lengths, it makes a hell of a difference - when I built my new bike I tried 3 different lengths before I was happy - I've changed the bars since as well - it takes time to get it comfortable, but don't be afraid to change things like stems and bars, theres always plenty of people here who are willing to lend you something to try out, so you dont end up with a box full or stems and bars :-)
How long is your stem at the moment, sounds like it might be a little long, if you're putting too much pressure on it