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@Donut!
Seriously, WTF!!! Replaced the top tube with a stick and the seat with a log, wound string into the spokes and removed the brakes on a freewheel . . . . . speechless!
At least he locked it up, or it'd be gone.
http://static.londonfgss.com/attachments/15137d1253109827-0529091336-medium.jpg