Help! My lock's seized up and my bike is trapped!

What about my bloody self esteem? Oh my god - I'm in an abusive relationship with my bike. It explains so much!

Right, I'm off to borrow Nhatt's bike and do some work. I'll be calling on the avenging angle grinders (and bolt cutters) later this evening.

Thanks so much people - you've given me a timely reminder of what a good thing this forum can occasionally be.
occasionally being the operative word :P