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@BringMeMyFix
One of the best 'gently-paced social rides' is the regular run by the Waltham Forest CTC. There are no sudden changes in pace, the bunch stick together, and they remorsely tap out 15-17mph (a gentle pace). They manage to make it gentle by being incredibly competent at group and personal efficiency.
You can bet all of them, at one time or another in their lives, struggled to stay with a group billed as 'gently-paced'. I know I have. What we've all got in common, is the fact we either bailed and tried again another time, and/or asked our peers how to get up-to-(gently-paced)-speed.
Some tips, if you find yourself constantly dangling off the back (thereby doing as much work as the person at the front):
Don't let gaps open up; and if there's suddenly more than 3 or 4 bike lengths in front of you, QUICKLY bridge the gap. You can then recover whilst getting a draft. The whole "I'll just gradually make up the ground" thing doesn't work.
Shout out "easy!/steady!/hold up!/etc", and then quickly bridge the gap as the bunch slows. If they don't hear you, quickly bridge the gap anyway.
Don't faff about at stops when the group is setting off. If you really need more time to sort something out, tell the group to wait a fucking minute. Aim to set off no further back than mid-group i.e. get some shelter.
If you're a slow climber, get to the front at the foot of a climb (I think someone mentioned doing this on the ride). Faster people will be aware of your pace as they pass you, have to work a bit to pass you, and you drift to the back of the group, rather than drift OFF the back of the group.
All the usual stuff about eating/drinking little and often. Try to avoid a heavy meal within 3-5hrs of the ride starting. If you sense chronic hunger/thirst, TELL SOMEONE.
Hope that's of some use.