Awesome e-mail conversations

Sorry to have to direct yous lot to " The Scum " but these e-mail exchanges are awesome

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2479342/Spider-email-joker-is-back-David-Thorne-spider-email-prankster-returns-David-Thorne-winds-up-gym-boss-and-landlord.html

here's just a tempter

**From: Jeff Peters

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due**
DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN

**From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm

To: Jeff Peters

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due**
Ok.

**From: Jeff Peters

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due **
Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?

This reply to a complaint by his landlord for owning pets, is bloody funny.
I cant believe she gave it a serious reply. LOL.

*Dear Helen, *
*No. I have a goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbours. *
*The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh. *
*Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea. *
Regards, David.

No-need to visit the scum:

http://www.27bslash6.com/buffed.html

http://www.27bslash6.com/strata.html

This is much better: http://dontevenreply.com/

David Thorne sounds like a wanker.

Original mail by David Thorne, paying bills with spiders
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847

original spider one was pretty funny, rest seem a bit crap

That made my day.
Even no he sounds like a right c$*t.

david thorne is my hero

I do this in my 'spare time' - incorporating some of it into my Fringe show this year too

From: Jason Murphy
Sent: 07 May 2009 11:16
To: Sales@eurekadirect.co.uk
Subject: Anti Swine Flu Masks?

Hi

I’m looking to place a wholesale order for anti ’swine flu’ masks? What would be a minimum order?

Thanks

Jason

———————————————————————————————

Subject: RE: Anti Swine Flu Masks?
Date: Thu, 7 May 2009 17:32:03 +0100
From: Fiona.McKenna@cmuk.co.uk
To: http://icanwastetime.com

Good Afternoon Mr Murphy

Thanks for your recent enquiry, we do not have a minimum order. Please can you let me know the quantity you are looking for and I will check the stock for you. Please provide the product code you are looking for.

Many Thanks

Tracy

———————————————————————————————

From: http://icanwastetime.com
To: fiona.mckenna@cmuk.co.uk
Subject: RE: Anti Swine Flu Masks?
Date: Thu, 7 May 2009 18:54:08 +0000

Hi Tracy

Well I’m working on the basis that a large town - lets say Swindon for example - goes to pandemic level 6 and the towns inhabitants last trip to the shops is for an anti swine flu mask before curfew is imposed, possibly enforced by Government troops armed with sub-machine guns and ordered to shoot to kill, possibly not?

How about a price on 155,432 (approx habitation as of 2001) of part number 443MSK01 ?

Thanks in advance

Jason

P.S Would you be able to do buy 3 get 1 free on this part number?

———————————————————————————————-

Subject: RE: Anti Swine Flu Masks?
Date: Fri, 8 May 2009 10:01:54 +0100
From: Fiona.McKenna@cmuk.co.uk
To: Jason Murphy

Good Morning Mr Murphy

Thanks for your recent enquiry, unfortunately we would not be able to supply this amount of masks at the moment we are out of stock of this particular mask.

We can supply a smaller quantity of the DFM200 pk100 surgeons face mask £9.95 Ex Vat each

Many Thanks

Tracy

——————————————————————————————–
From: Jason Murphy
Sent: 08 May 2009 10:55
To: Fiona Mckenna
Subject: RE: Anti Swine Flu Masks?

Hi Tracy

Sorry I hit send and had not finished typing my reply - I ham slightly ashamed - apologies!

The DFM200 - is this product certified for use in swine flu do you know?

Thanks Jason

——————————————————————————————–
Subject: RE: Anti Swine Flu Masks?
Date: Sat, 9 May 2009 13:08:39 +0100
From: Fiona.McKenna@cmuk.co.uk
To: jason murphy

Good Afternoon Mr Murphy

Thanks for your enquiry, the masks are not certified to stop you getting swine flu they are only a precaution to help prevent you catching it.

Thanks

Tracy

———————————————————————————————————————
From: jason murphy
To: fiona.mckenna@cmuk.co.uk
Subject: RE: Anti Swine Flu Masks?
Date: Sun, 10 May 2009 15:06:53 +0000

Hi Tracy

Sorry have not replied I’ve been feeling a little poorly.

Could you perhaps supply them with something in writing along the lines of ‘Whilst every effort has been made to ensure these masks are Swine Flu proof, the manufacturers and selling agent accept no responsibilty should you still die?’

It’s just so I have the best possible chance of making a quick profit on selling these things while the panic is still fresh in peoples eyes.

Here’s hoping

Cheers

Jason

P.S Does Fiona mind you using her e-mail address?

---

Subject: RE: Anti Swine Flu Masks?
Date: Mon, 11 May 2009 17:38:33 +0100
From: Fiona.McKenna@cmuk.co.uk
To: jason murphy

Good Afternoon Mr Murphy

Sorry no we can not supply the masks with your specification.

Thanks

Tracy

From: Jason Murphy [mailto:ihatespam@hotmail.com]
Sent: 15 December 2008 11:47
To: Accurist Service
Subject: Query

Hi

I've just found my watch (it was missing presumed lost) down the back of the sofa, and wondered if you have the correct time?

Thanks

J Murphy

---

From: Accurist Service
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 12:08 PM
To: Jason Murphy
Subject: RE: Query

Dear Jason

Many thanks for your e-mail.

The correct time is 12.08

Kind Regards

Becky
Accurist watches

---

From: Jason Murphy
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 12:07 PM
To: Accurist Service
Subject: Re: Query

Cheers Becky.

Jason

yay!
awesome

kudos to Becky, sometimes a deadpan response it not only the most reasonable but the funniest.

From: Jason Murphy
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2008 5:01 PM
To: connect@selfridges.co.uk
Subject: Query

Hi

Just wondered if there was a reason why you don't sell fridges?

Unless you do of course, in which case I shan't take up any more of your time......

Good day!

Jason C Murphy

P.S. I have a job
P.P.S. I'd still like to know!

---

---

From: connect@selfridges.co.uk
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2008 5:36 PM
To: "Jason Murphy" iheartspammers@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Query

Dear Jason,

Thank you for your email.

I'm afraid that Selfridges hasn't stocked White Goods for a number of years
as we were unable to compete with the High Street.

Thank you for your interest in Selfridges.

Regards

Fiona

Selfridges Connect
web: www.selfridges.com
email: connect@selfridges.co.uk
Selfridges telephone number is 0800 123 400
(international callers should dial +44 113 369 8040)

---

Hi Fiona

Be honest. I'm not the first person to have asked why
Selfridges....er.....don't?!!

Jason

---

Dear Jason,

Thank you for your email in response to the email from Fiona.

We do occasionally get the odd person enquiring! Unfortunately though,
Fiona was right we do no longer sell fridges. It is a shame, I can see the
advertising opportunities in it.

Good luck with your acquisition!

Kind regards,

James
Selfridges Connect
web: www.selfridges.com
email: connect@selfridges.co.uk
Selfridges telephone number is 0800 123 400
(international callers should dial +44 113 369 8040)

From: Jason Murphy
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2008 5:05 PM
To: customer.service@missselfridge.com
Subject: Query

Hi

I just wondered how come you no longer sell kitchen cooling appliances and why is this something you regret?

Many thanks and good day!

Jason C Murphy

P.S. I have a job!
P.P.S. Does it bug you that Top Shop get all the press these days?
P.P.S. Top Shop are very generous on the vouchers front by the way....

two new threads on david thornes website
the final exchange of one
typical

From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: tarded

Ive deleted you from my facebook and reported you. i hope you die of aids fag. Dont bothering emailing me again becasue I wont read it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.12pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: dneck

Yes you will.

From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: dneck

No I fucking wont fag