Names and faces to bikes

There are support groups. Classic Italian track bikes are taking offence at the Japanese interlopers instead of coveting their shiny new parts.

Don't talk to me about Italian track bikes. Between you and me, I've been seeing one on the side for the past 18 months, and believe you me she doesn't whinge half as bad as my Japanese wife. At first she was all like, oh i want campy this campy that. but i was having none of that fancy-threaded latin petulance, not from that flame-haired lo-pro!
You know how I tamed that mama mia?
I, literally, saddled her with a Brooks. A pear-shaped leather slab of English stiff upper lip tradition. Then I shackled her slim wheels with jazzy, yankee doodle Phil Wood hubs. It was an anglo-US pinser movement, an irresistible double whammy of horsey John Bull bulldog spirit and the loud, irresistible bugle call of the American Dream.... ever since she's never looked at another man or yearned for far off pastures of red, white and green, etc, blah.