Canonbury Cat

there was a man who worked in afilming studio and was on his way to work wn he seen a cat so he slamed on his brakes but he hit the cat he felt 2 bumps, so he got out and seen the cat in the gutter twichin so he thought he would put it out of his missery n he hit it with an hammer and a women came out n said what the fuck are you doin
MAN:im so sorry love i ran over your cat and i seen it suffering so i put it out of his missery
a copper came from next door
COPPER:what goin on here
MAN:i ran over this womens cat i seen it suffering so i put it out of his missery
COPPERk then let me check the skids and examin the tires
so he checks the skids measures them,looks at tha front tires and sees blood and checks the back tires and puts his hand inside the arch and finds a dead cat!
so really he had ran over the cat and seen anothr 1 layin in the gutter
so ther was the poor cat dreamin about chasing mice and BANG!!! he gets a hammer over the head
you need yo see it to mke you piss your self

Billy Connolly

I swear on my mothers life that a few weeks ago near wimbourne I fulfilled a lifetimes ambition in running a squirrel over.
now, as any trail rider knows these rats are so frequently to be seen darting directly across trails in front of you whilst riding at speed, so, the desire to take one out has been building for a long long time,
im not a malicious person, but these creatures are horrid, greedy, wasteful, noisy, nasty and so squirrely that I have no regrets.
it was a direct both wheel splat, I was so pleased went back to check it was done for and saw it just pathetically crawl into undergrowth.
sorry vegans but it rocked!

Why the hell are you apologising to the vegans - its the squirrels you should be apologising to...

oh yeah, I heard that squirrel was becoming a delicacy up in the north east now, thats all. not apologising anyway, the fuckers dont listen to anything cept there nom nom nom hands
also I know what I did so if you people dont believe, do I give?

my dad used to ride to work past a house with a yappy little dog that used to chase him. one day my dad was riding his tandem past on the way to pick up my sister from school. the dog came charging after him and failed to notice the extra-long wheelbase, and ran straight under the back wheel.

i think it lived to yap another day, unlike Cliveo's innocent fluffy victim, but I don't think it chased him for a while after that.