10 rules to (sic) riding a fixie

1. Ride like a fucking monger cunt.
   
2. Sit on your bike like a constipated wanker.
   
3. Wear an iPod, close your eyes, and proceed to switch lanes quickly like a fucktard.
   
4. Just be a fucktard in general.
   
5. Make your bike look as fucking stupid as your hair.
   
6. Be a consummate cunt.
   
7. Create the appearance of speed whilst being slow to the power of [joey face].
   
8. Blame every other road user for the failings of your motor cortex.
   
9. Never behave in the way you want other road users to behave around you.
   
10. Fuck off and die.
    
    

BMMF for God/Prime Minister/Local school council representative.