Stolen bikes

That's good news. Probably less to do with the locks than the amount of time, and time of day, it was left. If they're going equipped to break a d-lock then they'll be able to get through even the biggest ones. Maybe a mini-d rather than a cable would add an extra disincentive. Or take the Tynan route and smear shit all over your saddle.

Hell yeah bitch, you know that's the only sure fire way to make sure when you come out of the STD clinic your horse will be there.

One small detail: It has got to be human shit, and your own - this is the most powerful.