• "Carry on down the high street and eventually you will see "The Crooked Billet", which is a quaint little pub in which the residents of Penge meet at night in stylish fashion drinking coffee and discussing the israel-palestine situation."

    "After this, there isn't much left to see. If you keep walking down the road, you'll get to Beckenham, and trust me - you don't want that. Not after what you've just experienced. Turn left down the road and you'll start walking towards Catford. Turn right and you'll end up in Croydon. Just don't stay in Penge. No, really, just don't."

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