Names and faces to bikes

Here is something for everyone to take the piss out of... but to be fair reserve final judgement until I'm in London week of May 12 and give me a handicap for weight, age and 70" gear and try to keep up. Please say hi I'm hard to miss (I hear huge belly laughs as I go by very often).

and lol if you take me up on it - for beers!

Could you not get a smaller front wheel to have it true lo-pro stylee?