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@Seeds
Cheers Dwayne. I was threading the initial spokes two / three turns. I've measured the spokes and they are definitely 284. Starting to wonder about whether I've got the ERD right (maybe not) whether the nipples could somehow be weird (they're fine) or whether I'm just doing something incredibly stupid (most probable, though I checked Sheldon once the problem surfaced to make sure I wasn't messing up the pattern).
Unlaced the whole thing and the shop has now shut, so I'm just going to have to chill out for a bit, regain equilibrium and relace.
Damn.