Coffee Appreciation

what i want:

• independent coffeeshop with passable-to-cool decor (c'mon, if i wanted to drink coffee in a tip, i'd stay home)
  
• proper tables and chairs (not just stools)
  
• must have good coffee and good baristas
  
• decent music played at a reasonable volume
  
• nice, knowledgeable, happy staff that recognise you after a few trips
  
• should serve nice cake and a reasonable selection of lunch-type food (i'll settle for sandwiches and soup)
  
• safe place inside or outside for the bike
  
• comfortable so i can hang around for a few hours to do some work
  
• hasta hasta hasta have wifi
  
  

why does this not exist anywhere around me? fucksake, this is shoreditch!

LCB has most of these things, no?