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@El_Diablo
they had some "work gloves" ie not in cycling section, £5 ish in red and with palm pads etc, only in a medium in the Lidl in Pinner version, but may have others in other stores- now for that money they're good for biking if you have medium size hands..... :-((((
Shorts- suggest try another store nearby? They may have less than "Lard Arse" sizes...
Now an arse that xxxxxxxxl size, must wrap around the sides of the saddle to touch the seat post- yep, I have seen it, gross isn't the word! Reminds me of a song by Dione Warwark- " bog seat breaker......" or was it heart ...