Irrefutable scientific proof that cycling drunk is safer than cycling sober

As a scientist... I have to argue that your sample population is all wrong. As someone here suggested the time of riding drunk does not equal time of riding sober. Hence your stats are all wrong.

Even if it is safer for you to cycle drunk (lack of reflex etc etc...) how about other people? Yesterday I was cycling back home from west drinks a saw a car almost crash to avoid a drunk cyclist... (car almost hit me...)

Sorry Mr Serious Scientist sir, I didn't realise that I was being serious. I thought I was having a bit of fun. I won't try and have fun again - fun is not scientifically valid anyway. I should probably go back to uni and finish my science degree - that should help drain the remaining fun that was left after I dropped out. In fact, I'll quit my job and go back to my boring laboratory job so that I can prevent myself from having fun at work.