Irrefutable scientific proof that cycling drunk is safer than cycling sober

I've undertaken a long-term study of cycling while under the influence of alcohol and other narcotics. My findings are intriguing: cycling while sober is actually more dangerous than cycling while drunk. Out of the entire sample group, all of the cyclists had crashed at least ten times while sober, whereas none of them had ever crashed while drunk. This is proof that to avoid cycling accidents, everyone should only cycle while drunk.

As a scientist... I have to argue that your sample population is all wrong. As someone here suggested the time of riding drunk does not equal time of riding sober. Hence your stats are all wrong.

Even if it is safer for you to cycle drunk (lack of reflex etc etc...) how about other people? Yesterday I was cycling back home from west drinks a saw a car almost crash to avoid a drunk cyclist... (car almost hit me...)