Irrefutable scientific proof that cycling drunk is safer than cycling sober

I've never had an accident while drunk and have had several accidents while sober. However, I do ride around all day sober whereas I only ride drunk for usually less than an hour, usually just a few times a week. My ultimate goal is to reverse these statistics.

Do u think that's because theres less traffic by the time your drunk? What about getting pissed and riding in the rush hour, reckon you'll have an accident then? Rckon there's more of a chance, but hey, I've ridden drunk many a time and it unphases me and if I do fall it is less painful and more limber but thisnt the reason why I happen to be pissed in control of a bike, it's because I can't stand public transport and begrudge paying for it, also I know that it's my choice!! Driving is a different story though

Drink riding isn't clever, but I might not be clever ;)