What do you say to the rozzers when you get stopped for something petty?

I once had a bike copper mutter "nice trackstand mate" at some lights by Russell Square.
See they're alright really.

just ride and dont look back thats what i do!

Exactly.

buy a tazer on ebay and give them one-up.

Probably been posted on here before...

On 1st August 1999, new legislation came into force to allow a fixed penalty notice to be served on anyone who is guilty of cycling on a footway. However the Home Office issued guidance on how the new legislation should be applied, indicating that they should only be used where a cyclist is riding in a manner that may endanger others. At the time Home Office Minister Paul Boateng issued a letter stating that:
"The introduction of the fixed penalty is not aimed at responsible cyclists who sometimes feel obliged to use the pavement out of fear of traffic and who show consideration to other pavement users when doing so. Chief police officers, who are responsible for enforcement, acknowledge that many cyclists, particularly children and young people, are afraid to cycle on the road, sensitivity and careful use of police discretion is required."
Almost identical advice has since been issued by the Home Office with regards the use of fixed penalty notices by 'Community Support Officers' and wardens.
*"CSOs and accredited persons will be accountable in the same way as police officers. They will be under the direction and control of the chief officer, supervised on a daily basis by the local community beat officer and will be subject to the same police complaints system. The Government have included provision in the Anti Social Behaviour Bill to enable CSOs and accredited persons to stop those cycling irresponsibly on the pavement in order to issue a fixed penalty notice.
I should stress that the issue is about inconsiderate cycling on the pavements. The new provisions are not aimed at responsible cyclists who sometimes feel obliged to use the pavement out of fear of the traffic, and who show consideration to other road users when doing so. Chief officers recognise that the fixed penalty needs to be used with a considerable degree of discretion and it cannot be issued to anyone under the age of 16. (Letter to Mr H. Peel from John Crozier of The Home Office, reference T5080/4, 23 February 2004)
*

Print a copy, keep it, hand it over when stopped and say read that if you can you twat...

I was stopped by a plain clothes officer on Proctor st for cycling on the pavement a while back...He informed me that thousands of blind people were now agoraphobic because of people like me!

That is of course an exaggeration, but it is certainly the case that visually impaired and blind people can fear footway cycling more than clear-sighted people. The same applies to people unsteady on their feet, e.g. elderly people.

Of course, the primary danger arises from motorised traffic. Here's a recent parliamentary answer that provides some comparative stats:

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200809/cmhansrd/cm090126/text/90126w0003.htm#column_14W

Cycling through Victoria yesterday afternoon I went round a corner about to skip a red as nothing was coming. Just about noticed a couple of coppers walking down the road so I decided to stop before the red light rather than risk a fine.
One of them then decided to have a word with me for 'running a red'. Which I hadn't I pointed out to him. His response was that as I had gone through a pedestrian crossing that was the same as running the red itself.

The offence is technically for passing the stop line and not the signalhead governing it. The officer was correct on technical grounds (although it sounds as if he didn't explain it well or incorrectly), but from the sound of it was indeed petty. It would have done perfectly well to briefly explain the rule if he thought it was so important.

After all, they have targets to meet...

I got stopped near the British museum on new Oxford street by a nice enough officer in one of those red cars (Diplomatic protection units, mostly retired officers so calmer). In a discussion I asked him if he had ever gone slightly over the speed limit or crossed a road when there was a red man he confessed to both and I told he RLJing was the same thing. I doubt this type of discussion is possible with most officers as most of them seem to be a bit defensive.

He told me that officers in red cars don't give out £30 fines, im not sure if this is true but maybe useful knowledge to someone

I had one of them stop me. He was massively pissed off, and waiving a f*cking machine gun around as well! To be fair I had just jumped a red light, but stopped when I saw them passing across me. They waited round the corner and gave me "a good talking to" I wasn't being helpful so they decided to give me a ticket....then realised they didn't have any left!

Generally I find it best to put on my poshest accent and continually refer to them as constable*.

• pronounced CUNTstable. Loudly.
  

i got stopped on the euston flyover early on a near deserted sunday morning a while back. however, and rather stupidly, i RLJ'd right in front of a cruising police van so i guess i kind of deserved it BUT: the roads were practically empty i'd rolled up to the junction and looked and there was absolutely nothing coming and no peds anywhere near it. they pulled me anyway and started the whole patronising speech about "having to scrape me off the road" and blah fucking blah. i'm afraid i've got no patience for the "yes sir no sir act" and just stared blankly at him waiting for him to finish his little speech, getting more and more annoyed at this condecending tone. when he finally finished and i didn't give him the gushing apology he was so obviously fishing for he said "look at you - you just don't care do you?" to which i replied along the lines of "i don't know what you want me to say. i'm not going to grovel and plead with you so if you're going to fine could you please just get it over with so i can go". weirdly he backed down and decided to let me off. christ knows why.

on a similar theme - having just moved back to islington my morning commute now takes me though the middle of smithfield market. there have always been "cyclists dismount" signs there but there are wide pavements down either side of copiously wide stretch of road populated only by the occasional parked van, forklift or trolley. there's really no reason why you shouldn't ride though there. like everywhere else it really just needs a bit of consideration. slowing down, keeping an eye out and generally demontrating an awareness and respect for yr fellow man.

however i noticed when rolling though there yesterday that they've now employed a full time security guard to stand at the entrance and get cyclists to dismount and walk. when this happened to me yesterday i'd already slowed right down, and was gently rolling along - looking out for passing peds and porters alike. the fact that i was obviously showing willing and being sensible when the security guard started shouting at me made my blood boil for some reason. i dunno i just got really mad at the insanity of it all.

i walked though the market fizzing with annoyance and just before (seriously like a couple of metres inside) i got the far side remounted and clipped in upon which a burly porter started yelling at me "GOT OFF THE BIKE"

at i'm afraid i may shouted something rude as i rode off.

i got stopped on the euston flyover

Do you mean the bridge over the underpass?

early on a near deserted sunday morning a while back. however, and rather stupidly, i RLJ'd right in front of a cruising police van so i guess i kind of deserved it BUT: the roads were practically empty i'd rolled up to the junction and looked and there was absolutely nothing coming and no peds anywhere near it.
But you'd already worked out that they were cruising? What more do you need to know? ;)

i'm not going to grovel and plead with you so if you're going to fine could you please just get it over with so i can go". weirdly he backed down and decided to let me off. christ knows why.
Police are only human. He may well have realised that he was being too melodramatic whereas you hit the nail on the head; or he may not have dared--I'm being serious, you may have seemed emotionally quite strong to him. Someone in an official capacity can always refer to rules and regulations, but ultimately it comes down to whether those make sense, and normal rules of interaction may come into play.

One thing I do regularly is to not use designated footway cycle paths in Germany, where it is generally compulsory to use them. (E.g., if they are in an absolutely terrible condition and don't serve any specific purpose.) I've often explained to police that for sound reasons (a)-(z) it doesn't make much sense for me to use one, while also making clear that I am quite well aware of the rule that requires me to use one and that I was contravening it after deliberate reflection. I've never once been fined, and this was in Germany.

Be firm about what you're doing, not provocative, recognise that yes, they have been invested with authority, and while you're happy to respect that, you've got stuff to be getting on with, and they'll usually be fine.

i ride alot at night, as a result i get stopped fairly reguarly for looking suspicious. theres quite alot of pikey kids rolling about at night on bmx's causing trouble, and i think they just put me into the same catagory. ive also RLJ quite a few times and not noticed the presence of a cop car at the lights.

i take one of two routes with coppers, either pretend i didnt know they existed, or be very blunt with them. the classic is the: "where are you going at this time sir?", and me replying: "nowhere, im just riding my bike". they dont seem to know how to respond to this and confounds thier little bacon brains.

That is of course an exaggeration, but it is certainly the case that visually impaired and blind people can fear footway cycling more than clear-sighted people. The same applies to people unsteady on their feet, e.g. elderly people.

They can also fear cyclists in the road. I almost totalled myself, a blind person and their dog the other day, when the dog starts leading the blind fella across the road when I was only a few feet away. I had just greased everything so was running super-stealthy, which may have been the problem, though I would have expected the dog to see me.

They can also fear cyclists in the road. I almost totalled myself, a blind person and their dog the other day, when the dog starts leading the blind fella across the road when I was only a few feet away. I had just greased everything so was running super-stealthy, which may have been the problem, though I would have expected the dog to see me.

Yes, always better to apply 'sail before steam'.

sorry guys. spell fail
DEFINITELY

I got stopped by a motorbike cop near Barbican the other week for going down a one-way the wrong way.

He launched into a schpiel about how he'd scooped a father of 2's broken bike off the road the other week for doing something similar, did I know it was against the law to cycle the wrong way on on-way streets and asked me to 'give him one reason why he shouldn't give me a ticket'

I said something along the lines of 'it'll never happen again officer', and he advised me to get clad in hi-vis clothing for my next ride (!)

They can smell sarcy-ness, best keep it in til they're gone and 9 times out of 10 you'll be alright.

i ride alot at night, as a result i get stopped fairly reguarly for looking suspicious. theres quite alot of pikey kids rolling about at night on bmx's causing trouble, and i think they just put me into the same catagory. ive also RLJ quite a few times and not noticed the presence of a cop car at the lights.

i take one of two routes with coppers, either pretend i didnt know they existed, or be very blunt with them. the classic is the: "where are you going at this time sir?", and me replying: "nowhere, im just riding my bike". they dont seem to know how to respond to this and confounds thier little bacon brains.

Used to get pulled over all the time after finishing at 4am at work. RLJ when there weren't any cars about, Sod off I am waiting for 2 or 3 minutes while the traffic lights change when I can see there ain't anything coming.

It hurts but I've found hanging my head in shame (like when your Dad says: he's not angry, just disappointed) really helps. Gives them the feeling of power without giving me a ticket.
Trying to argue at least allows you to feel you stood up against sometimes unfairly or incorrectly applied laws but I'm yet to here of anyone who swayed a PC's adjudication of the events.

@mooks et al: I used to have quite a bit to do with these guys:

http://www.privacyinternational.org/

I suggest you check them out. The annual big brother awards are hilarious, and they produce some well researched papers once in a while.

"petty please let me off?"

What makes me jump up and down is the way the cops only ever see what they want to. When I used to RLJ, I'd get pounced on and have to endure the whole patronising spiel...

When some twat 1/2 kills me on Priory Lane (Leading into Richmond Park) and a rozzermobile rolls past 20 seconds later, it takes me until the middle of the sodding park (yes, up the hill) to wave them down. And they couldn't be arsed to call it in.

Could have been something to do with the fact I was purple, choking and all shaky from racing them through the park... prolly thought I'd just invented it.

I've gone all a bit BikeRadar these days, though, so no more RLJ for me.

Smile and wave boys! Yes sir no sir three bags full sir.

YouTube - The Kinks - Yes Sir, No Sir

What makes me jump up and down is the way the cops only ever see what they want to. When I used to RLJ, I'd get pounced on and have to endure the whole patronising spiel...

When some twat 1/2 kills me on Priory Lane (Leading into Richmond Park) and a rozzermobile rolls past 20 seconds later, it takes me until the middle of the sodding park (yes, up the hill) to wave them down. And they couldn't be arsed to call it in.

Could have been something to do with the fact I was purple, choking and all shaky from racing them through the park... prolly thought I'd just invented it.

I've gone all a bit BikeRadar these days, though, so no more RLJ for me.

I called some CSOs on their shitness the other day in Leeds. A bunch of us were getting the train back to Manchester and one guy was literally rolling along while sitting on his toptube. The CSOs come shouting, "off your bike, off your bike!!" So i just turned round and said, what about this joker who's clearly smoking a fag in full view of you, right next to a, "Please do not smoke in this covered area, please cross the road to the uncovered area" sign? They sauntered off looking sheepish and went to tell him to fuck off. One of them was a total idiot and couldn't understand the difference between SS and FG...!