Keep out of Victoria park, Hackney at night

Let's keep it in perspective, though. You're much more likely to get a pasting or worse in a regional town that a big city around UnHappy Hour.

This is true, or at least it is in my experience, but I think the gap is closing (a tiny bit) due to the homogenisation of parts of London's civic landscape. The capital was always no more than a collection of villages, but it's now beginning to look like a collection of small towns; and so the small town mentality starts to creep in, like weeds through cracks in cold, weathered, and characterless paving.

Get well soon Ems.