Irony + naivety * health & safety = frostbite

to be fair, bike are not allowed on buses.

however, if you take off both the wheel, turn the stem 45 degree, some zip ties and plastic bin bags wrapped round it, they should let you in.
I recently had to get a special 'rail replacement bus service' and got away with bringing a fully assembled bike on board. I think they felt they couldn't really complain. The driver also needed me to give him directions to the train station.