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@Sharkstar
It's all about taking things one step at a time. When I first joined the forum, I got myself a bike with a flip-flop hub, and ran it singlespeed for a good few months, getting used to having just one gear, especially on hills. Then I got some clipless pedals, got used to them. Only then did I feel confident enough to switch to fixed - and realised quickly I needed to lower my gear inches on fixed to feel comfortable with that.
Your experience at the moment combines unfamiliarity with one gear, toe straps, fixed PLUS the complication of panniers - it's no wonder you feel uncomfortable.
As others have said, get a flip-flop hub and try SS for a while, get used to your straps, then think about flipping the hub - if you want to. I have never tried riding fixed with loaded panniers but I imagine it could be a bit unnerving going downhill!