My keyboard and touchpad ain't working no mo

I'm sure you've already tried it but you could uninstall the last firmware update.
other then that I would just throw a mountain bike at its head.
thanks good bye.

I hadn't actually given that a go. As the keyboard stopped working in between firmware updates (I also hadn't installed/updated anything else) I thought it was probably a hardware issue rather than a software thang. Since posting on here I've read that it could be something to do with the battery swelling and it affecting/bending the ribbon cable that connects the keyboard to the logic board. Looks like a trip to Apple! Balls.